Why should you CARE MORE about YOUrself
Simply because no one else will, discover how I learnt to care more with four aspects of life in mind
Well, my purpose in life is to inspire you reading this article to do just that... CARE MORE about yourself and not feel selfish because I am so tired of seeing people prioritise themselves last, including friends, family, and even my wonderful husband.
Learning to care more about yourself today is a mental battle because we have been programmed for years to care more about others' needs before our own, and if we don't, we are considered "selfish", or we get backhanded comments like "must be nice for you to go out." We get judged, or we compare our experiences to validate or put down when someone else is trying to nurture themselves.
This cycle is very dangerous because it causes us to burn out and not believe another way exists.
I am here to tell you there is another way, and you must understand a few things to get there.
First, you must understand this simple thing as an adult; you are unprepared
No one will care about you because it is not their responsibility. It's not your partner, children, best friend, or boss, and it's hard to say this, but not even your parents. Because at the end of the day, everyone has to nurture themselves and put their needs before anyone else. That may sound “selfish”, but it’s just a matter of fact.
When you're on a flight, the emergency instructions state to put your mask on first before you can help anyone else because if you can't breathe air, how will you help others around you? It is, again, that simple.
Why do we need help applying this practice of simply thinking about our needs before others in our daily lives become so challenging?
This is my theory:
As an adult, you have to learn how to adult by yourself.
With the hope, your parents have prepared you with enough essential tools to send you off into the world. Parents are there as guides (if still present in your life). But as we become adults of our own most of the time, our ideas are different from our parent's due to generational gaps and lack of understanding. Depending on our relationship with our parents will vary in how much advice we seek from them as adults.
So, it’s all on you; nobody else is to blame for any shortcomings.
Most adults today were not prepared to be adults, in my opinion, and are navigating based on trial and error, searching for answers and never really knowing what we are looking for or where to start because we don’t even get how come we feel the way we think.
This causes us to aim wondrously and create expectations based on false realities that it’s someone else responsibility to care for our needs. For example, our partners get hit the hardest with this expectation when they, too, are probably lost and are trying to navigate their adult lives just as much as you are.
The good news is that there is a way to change this aimless wandering, this unknown awareness of being unprepared as an adult, which I will get into later.
The second thing you need to understand is that pleasure makes us uncomfortable...
We are not taught how to enjoy ourselves through pleasure. Pleasure sometimes feels foreign to many to receive happiness, kindness, caring, joy and love. But to care more about ourselves, we need to understand all the feelings that may arise when we do this.
Happiness can make us uncomfortable because if we have fun without our loved ones present, we might feel guilty for them. We always want to include everyone we care about to be part of our experiences in life because if we enjoy it for ourselves, it just can feel "weird", for lack of a better word. Or we might feel sad, like we left them out.
Not finding happiness for ourselves can lead us to self-sabotage in other areas of life. It is strange why we do this, but it happens because our minds try to keep us safe. When we do NEW things which the mind isn’t used to receiving, it finds ways to make us go back to the default way of thinking and feeling, so we revert to our habitual pattern of what is comfortable and safe.
We will stop doing self-care routines because it feels "selfish."
We stop hanging out with friends because we don't want to feel guilty leaving our partners or families.
We don't make time for our creative hobbies or passions because we feel like "we don't have time."
We can happily GIVE to others, but receiving the same kind of affection we give out is more challenging for some. We can get pleasure from giving to others, like our friends and family, which can create a lot of fulfilment and purpose in life.
Still, on the surface level, it may SEEM to be as look healthy, but the reality is that you may not have balance in other areas of your life. I will explain the four aspects of life to prioritise further on.
If you feel like you do manage your self-care and enjoy your lifestyle, please share your top tips in the comments below, as it can feel and look different for all of us.
Bottom line... your life is yours to care for, so why do we prioritise our NEEDS last?
1. Lack of purpose
2. Lack of essential life tools
3. Lack of education
1. LACK OF PURPOSE
Most of us get out of bed for work or our family to provide an income or support. We do this very unconsciously because we have been taught in our culture to go to school, get an education, get a career, get married, buy a house and start a family, and all of these goals require money or support.
None of the above asks the deep part of ourselves (our souls) what we truly want to do with our lives. We can have all or some of the above and feel confused, lost or still searching.
I explain how I discovered my purpose in the third aspect of life below.
2. LACK OF ESSENTIAL LIFE TOOLS
Most of us were not raised by our parents to think differently than I stated above to live our life to get our ducks in a row and you will “be successful.”
We were not taught to care about these four aspects of life (which I mentioned in my previous article, “Lazy Money Mind to Loving Money Clarity.”)
Physical health
- making sure your health is in top shape
Mental health
- making sure your mind is clear and focused
Spiritual health
- making sure you understand what your purpose is in life (run a business, raise your child, become a monk, whatever it is... it is clear in your mind when you wake up)
Financial health
- Make sure your money is working for you, not against you, and this thrives in abundance because you have prioritised the above three first!
3. LACK OF EDUCATION
Were you educated to learn about how to prepare your body before gym class properly?
• In physical education at school, they taught us sports but not how to move or prepare and connect to our bodies before participating in sports. I remember they would say stretch, but it was not a requirement. Only some would do it.
Were you taught as part of your education to understand the complete nutritional value of all fruits and vegetables? Or to fully understand how much iron you need in your body, especially as a woman?
• I remember a triangle chart with food listed on it that was shown once in class, and that was it. With meat, dairy, vegetables, fruit, and grains, you never know what nutritional value each of them holds and how much you can get from each ingredient.
Were you taught how to identify pain or soreness in your muscles?
Or when to seek expert advice, whether holistic or medical, to ensure no further suffering or worse injury?
• I remember being encouraged to keep going and push past the pain as you are strong.
Our education system did not provide us with essential tools to prepare us for leading an adult life and never considered the four aspects of life, and if they taught us those fundamentals, how much more would we be prepared to live a more fulfilling lifestyle?
The fundamentals were left to be taught in the home environment, and our parents were not educated in this way, so it was never taught at home either, and it has been left to us in our adult lives to educate ourselves today. Or re-educate ourselves as so much more new information is constantly being provided. For some of us, it is unlearning things that are not good for us, like eating habits.
Educating ourselves today in a culture of “busyness”, no one has an extra minute to do this kind of work, let alone read my article to the end. (HAHAHA, please do)
Here Are My Top 4 Ways How To Prioritise Your NEEDS
Physical health - making sure your health is in top shape
Book yourself into a personal trainer, yoga class, or fitness group and financially invest in your exercise routine because the investment will apply added mental pressure for you to get to that class vs doing it yourself, to begin with.
You'll need more motivation, and keeping yourself accountable is required. Once you have established a healthy, at least 30-day routine, you can do more of it on your own or download an app that is more affordable if paying for classes is not financially sustainable. As I understand, everyone is on a budget during this period. But remember, this investment is for your HEALTH, which is the intention and will help you feel good about spending the money.
• the benefits will always be you feeling good from the endorphin hit
• your body will benefit from all the strength you are building
• If you have a good exercise routine, change it up and do a new activity, as some exercise routines can become dull or not as challenging. Or ask a friend to join you can always add another dynamic to your routine.
TIP give yourself an incentive to achieve your goal, like treat yourself.
Example: To a new workout outfit to wear once you have completed 30 days, NOT before you start. I did this challenge when I turned 30 and got a new yoga outfit. I had my eyes on the studio I would go to daily. (this is the outfit I bought below image)
Today I'd book myself into a spa day, like get a sauna or a float to boost my self-care even more!
Mental health - making sure your mind is clear and focused
Start to take mental notes of where you struggle to prioritise your needs
• This could be at work for a lot of us because we feel like we have to work to our boss's or team's requirements, which, yes, you need to fulfil your job requirement, but you can always feel supported with your needs as well, like leaving for work early or having a short week once a month. Taking mental health days without feeling guilty about it when you call in to inform your boss you need a day off.
• This could be in your relationship where you always say yes or agree with your partner to avoid conflict. Maybe you don't speak your whole truth out of fear of what they will think or that you may lose them. You can’t be bothered anymore as you keep repeating yourself.
Mind map away to reduce these struggles or how to manage them better to give you mental clarity so you feel seen, heard and safe.
This one isn't easy and may take time to get clear and focused, but just identifying the areas you are struggling with, taking a mental note, and making an action plan by mind mapping it out is way better than never noticing or attempting to do anything about it. I want you to know that patience is critical and ask for support whenever necessary as you don’t have to do it alone, as there is always someone, like a friend or coworker, that can listen, can guide you whenever you feel lost.
I meditate, do yoga, journal many of my mental issues and try my best to solve my problems with one of these tools first. Changing my lifestyle when I became a yogi forced me to prioritise my mental health, which is why I practice yoga asana and meditation regularly, and it is now just part of how I operate.
Then I have specific friends who are my go-to people for stuff I need to vent to or help guide me if I might be wrong or need another perspective. I like to check myself to see if I am blind in areas where I struggle mentally because we can’t always see our blind spots.
I don't actively see a counsellor, but he is within contactable reach if I need support with a problem. This comforts me, knowing I have a professional I trust to go to with my mental health.
Spiritual health - making sure you understand what your purpose is in life (run a business, raise your child, become a monk, whatever it is... it is clear in your mind when you wake up)
Discovering your purpose is difficult because we aren't educated enough to ask ourselves the right questions to get to the answer.
Some people say, "It's a calling", and you are pulled towards it. It brings meaning to you whenever you are deep in your heart.
The simplest way of putting it... it will get you out of bed every day, no matter what to do it. If you are a parent, your kids will become part of your purpose.
It doesn't have to be what you do for a living. It can be something you do on the side, volunteering for a charity. The other night in my yoga class, a student shared how she wants to bring awareness to people to Stop Greyhound Racing in Australia but works as a full-time nurse.
There can be so many things in our life that feel important to us, like our purpose, and we do nothing about it for years. It could be simply to be a fantastic Uncle to your nephew or nieces and provide them love and attention for them to look up to you.
Discovering my purpose has been a whirlwind as I feel I have too many, but if I think about it now, even after becoming a mother, I thought it might shift things within me, but it hasn’t. It's just added more incentive to inspire people to CARE MORE about themselves. I discovered this as a yoga teacher and how often I would have students say how much they love coming and wish they came more. The struggle of prioritising our needs is a real mental challenge for many of us, and I didn’t need to become a mother to notice how bad it is among parents and health professionals.
It is hard to get people to do yoga, but it isn’t yoga they struggle to come to. I realised it was living within themselves because they didn’t believe they deserved to care more about themselves. This realisation became my purpose because the struggle is not just within self-care but also with many avenues in life. I saw it happening when I started promoting how to live a more eco-friendly lifestyle.
People do not CARE or lack the motivation to care about themselves or anything around them because they are burnt out and overstimulated by information, technology, the economy, the environment, and cultural standards.
This feeling doesn’t encourage anyone to want to find their purpose but avoid it. This is when you need to go back to the second aspect of life, your mental health, and manage that first before attempting to get clear on your purpose.
This is why I created my brand to called CARE MORE community, and this publication CARE MORE with Kim as I hope to be the light that shines brightly to give hope. If I can navigate and find my way, everyone can too.
Financial health - making sure your money is working for you, not against you, and this thrives in abundance because you have prioritised the above three first!
Well, I just wrote a whole article called Lazy Money Mind to Loving Money Clarity which helps explain how I have recently changed my money story mindset. I finally feel healthy with my money mindset, and we are a family on one income. Whatever earnings I make from ad hoc yoga events, my pottery whenever I can make some and through my Substack paid subscribers. Shout out to my first subscribers. OMG, my joy comes from having you support me and my family this way.
I hope to provide articles you love to read weekly that inspire you or give you hope that you do CARE MORE than you realise.
I want to share this final note that my life didn’t feel like it had meaning after I graduated college with honours, when I travelled around the world, or when I started my business, married Tony, or became a mother. It was when I committed to my yoga practice to be part of my lifestyle EVERYTHING changed for me. I believe it was because I finally slowed down and decided to do something for myself with no reason to search externally but to look within myself.
I discovered how to get physically healthy, and then I healed trauma from my past, which helped create a focus for my mental health. The more I kept practising, the more I could finally hear my deepest desire to serve others, and my spiritual health thrived.
However, I did get stuck for years with the financial health aspect as part of my story that went along with being a yogi is to be humble and provide the service because I loved teaching yoga, and that's all that mattered to me. But it needed to be financially sustainable. I will openly admit that hear because I said I would be more raw and honest in these articles. I learnt how to live with less, became less materialistic, and became more consciously aware of how I wanted to change how I wanted to live within my means and nature and find that balance. I have learned much through investing in online business development courses and free self-development tools.
But I only recently prioritised the four aspects of my finances. Closing down my business gave me space I had never given myself, and having a son was just more motivation to want to provide for my family in whatever way I could. But I wanted to do it with a clear understanding of where I/we were at financially, which meant decluttering and organising our finances. Now that I know finance status, I feel within my heart we will thrive as a family.
I can grow my business with purpose healthily because I completely understand where I am in all four aspects of my life, where I want to go, and the steps to take me there. I am excited to enjoy the journey however it will take me, whether fast or slow and steady.
You might be reading this and have 2 out of 4 of these, like physical and financial health but need support with your mental and spiritual health, and that's okay...
Please take the time to map out the areas you are struggling with, map out an action plan, and ask for help. But make it fun and enjoy your journey because none of this stuff we do as adults has always been so serious.
Please do it for yourself first, then share it with your partner or others to help make you accountable for your intentions. We love wanting to involve the people close to us in everything that we do but remember, we have to learn how to adult ourselves first and make it not about us because all of us have our purpose, and we need to respect each other’s journey’s in all of this.
Also, keep asking yourself the right questions; the answers will come, but you must ask if you want anything to arrive.
Thanks again for reading, and please let me know in the comments below if you enjoyed it or like the article, as it helps me understand what you like to read from me.
With lots of love and gratitude always,
Kim x