The Power Of Your Name

by the way my first name is JULIA not Kim weird eh?

So in this article, I wanted to discuss how I have felt tremendous shifts for me when going through significant transformations aligning with changing my name.

In our lives, we transform, especially as women, and we forget to stop and embody them. We might have a party as a celebration, but are we truly allowing ourselves to drop into the deeper meaning of these life-changing moments through ceremony?

Our names have multiple ways they can represent us and how they can hold power over us. I want to share how I’ve learnt how to CARE MORE about who I am and what I valued as a person at the time vs holding on to a version of myself that I no longer aligned with. It is special that we get so many opportunities as a woman to undergo identity shifts involving emotional, physical, mental and spiritual embodiment.

In this modern society, we feel the challenges of going through the name-changing process more so today as women, especially when we get married. I’ll share how, in the end, I processed becoming Mrs Hajichristou and all the names I hold.

(About Me) don’t forget to read to learn more about me

I have struggled with all 3 of my names; my first, middle and surname throughout my life. I told Tony what I was writing about in this week’s article, and he laughed because he was like, “I don’t even know what to call you!” He gets my name mixed up when calling to book an appointment with the doctor.

History of my names 

Born: Julia Kimberley Hughes - 30 June 1985 

So WHY did my mother call me Julia vs Kimberley as my first name?

Well, mother liked the name Julia as it was her Grandmothers name on her father’s side, and no one else in the family used the name as she was a bit of a rebel ;)

(My Lolo (Grandfather on my mom’s side and I)

The second reason was; she liked the sound of Julia Kimberley vs Kimberley Julia.

Hughes was my biological father’s surname.

So my whole life, everyone still calls me Kim or Kimberley. Only when I go to any medical or official appointment will they call out Julia, as it’s my legal name. This is when I still get confused if they know me as Julia or sometimes Kim, which makes me feel ridiculous when they ask my name, please, and I have to pause and think about it.

I prefer Kim even though people close to me call me Kimmy. I love it when people call me Kimberley; even though it sounds so formal, it is my name as a child used to correct kids that called me Kim, but not anymore.

Officially I have always used Kimberley as a signature vs Julia when signing documents.

In college, I did go by Julia as didn’t correct teachers to call me Kim instead, so all my friends from college called me Julia until they came to my family home and realised no one called me Julia. So they nicknamed me JK or started calling me Kim instead, as it got too weird. But I just wanted to see what it would be like, and it was a fun experiment for a bit, but yeah, it was hard to change my known name as we embody the names we are given in our lives. The power of our known name (first or middle), whatever name you go by, is more significant than our surname.

However, in stating that, many people do not like changing their surnames. I understand why today, women don’t when they get married. The paperwork is a nightmare, and I don’t recommend it for that reason alone, but at the same time, I do love the journey I have gone on by changing my surname 3 times now.

Adopted: Julia Kimberley Williams - 2010 

My stepfather Fin Williams adopted me officially through the courts when I was 25 years old, as he wanted to make it official that I was his daughter. In honour of this adoption, I changed my name to his surname Williams. There was no obligation to change it, but after I discussed it with my mother, I discovered I did not want to stay connected to the Hughes family name. I no longer wanted to be associated with my biological father as he caused so much pain and trauma that I felt no longer aligned with that family. My parents divorced when I was 18, so seven years later, my stepdad had been in my life before asking me. He didn’t even need to, as I considered him a father instantly because of all the love he showed me in such a short period of time, I never knew I had missed out on.

My mom also shared her feelings about not wanting to associate with the Hughes name, which is why she changed her name when she married my stepdad Fin years prior, so we both were aligned with honouring the change in our names.

So changing my name for the adoption was about CARING MORE, about honouring my stepdad’s amazing gesture. Also, about becoming part of this amazing BLENDED family, we were becoming and sharing the same surname as my sisters Margaret and Mary, who were younger than me.

I did have feelings about not being a Hughes anymore, but only for my brother, who remained a Hughes, as I felt like I was leaving him in a way. But then I had to feel into what felt suitable for me, and at that time in my life, I was so thrilled to become a Williams, and no name was ever going to change how I felt connected to my brother, whether we shared surnames or not.

Married: Julia Kimberley Hajichristou - 17 March 2020

After going through the mental and emotional process of changing my name when I was adopted, it felt bittersweet to change it again because the name Williams had created so much meaning in my heart. It was healing for me to feel the love of a father figure I had longed for my whole life, which I only received officially at 25. 

But at the exact time, it felt bittersweet; it also felt exciting to embrace and honour this new rite of passage of marriage. And what marriage meant for me personally was something I had processed a lot during our engagement as I enjoyed my life as much as possible as Kimberley Williams. I knew I was planning on changing my name to honour the next phase in my life when I got married. I knew that my surname's power could transform again and not get attached to it. The yogi in me embraces the practice of non-attachment.

I was 35 when we married, and I felt comfortable that a name did not define me as an individual. The name change was like a title change from girlfriend to wife or being addressed as Ms Williams to Mrs Hajichristou. It just sounded weird at the beginning until it became normal over time.

The mental and emotional process I went through with my married name was learning to CARE MORE about becoming a partner known as a family unit. I was proud to become part of Tony’s family as I love his parents dearly, as we connected instantly when we first met. We agreed on being Team Hajichristou as our children would also take on the Hajichristou name. Again there was no obligation to change my name as Tony knew how significant the Williams name meant to me. But I knew in my heart that changing names had already helped me transform my identity in my life, so why not allow that magic to happen again by embracing a whole new family I was gaining?

I will admit the Hajichristou name has been harder to adjust to as I do not look Greek Cypriot. Even though I am mixed race, no one can ever guess what ethnic background I am. I look more Caucasian white than my other half, Asian Filippino. 

I have lived my whole life explaining my identity to people being mixed race, and now this has been another thing to add to that explanation when I go places without Tony, and I’m addressed as Hajichristou. Most people cannot pronounce our surname, and I usually have to spell it out for people when I say it.

But as I stated above, names can hold power over us until explained, as people can and will judge you by the sound of your name.

I have held to very common English names, and now holding a Greek name, I understand a whole other side of how culturally people treat others differently just by the sound of their name. It sounds awful, but it’s true and more common than we realize.

My beautiful children will also have to go through this process even more, being multiple races with a surname that is uncommon in Australia.

I have always felt in my heart that I was unique because my mother made me feel that way. And that is what I wish for my children that they feel like rare unicorns in this world because they are truly one of a kind. Their mixed races will be impossible to repeat, and their surname will make them stand out as it should. 

So, in conclusion, if you feel disconnected from your name, whether it be your first, middle or surname... I get as I have been through all these feelings, and I think they are normal!

Or, if you are debating taking on your partner’s surname, figure out what you want it to mean for you. Drop into your heart space and see whether or not you genuinely connect with changing your name vs feeling pressured or just doing it because that’s what people do. 

As humans, we change and evolve into new versions of ourselves, and we don’t STOP to allow ourselves to embody these transformations with much awareness. Honouring yourself when you go through a massive transformation in life is a practice. Take time to process what it means to you.

I feel that our names can grow with these new phases, if we can change them or not. I think it is important to honour where you are at. 

Letting go of identities and not holding on too tight is part of life. It’s a beautiful way to showcase you are not holding yourself back from becoming a new version of yourself. You are the writer of your life, so EDIT your name if you choose to do so. It’s always up to you, so don’t be scared of change but embrace it! Sure, it will feel weird and uncomfortable initially, but trust me, all new things do. 

Side note: even if you get divorced and wish you didn’t change your name, you want to change back to your maiden name. I think it’s a healthy process to change back to your maiden name as it just showcases that part of your life journey that you went on. You can’t change the past, so don’t live with regret; look forward and embrace the newness of whatever version you choose to be again. 

I hope sharing all my struggles with my name has given you time to reflect on your name and how it holds magical power for you whether you choose to name change or not, honour where you are, regardless of the past or future.

Always with so much gratitude for reading

Kim